The Gym Makes me Poo
I’ve been working out. I know it doesn’t look like it but I’ve been in the gym everyday bettering myself… here are my thoughts.
Sad country music isn’t the most ideal workout music. Zach Bryan has never made me lift heavier weights at the gym or increased the productivity of my workouts whatsoever. However, being sad at the gym is somewhat of a therapeutic experience. It makes you think of everything you’ve ever regretted while convincing yourself that finishing this set will make it better, and it kind of does. I constantly go back to Tyler Childers, put my hood up and dive into a depressed lift and I don’t think I will stop.
Pre-workout makes me poo and it doesn’t let me choose when. Before this summer the last time I took pre-workout was with my buddy Mike during a specifically difficult leg day. I borderline blacked out squatting and then ran to the bathroom to throw up during leg extensions. After that experience, I decided to take a break from the substance, but I thought I’d give it another shot this summer. The issue isn’t the need to go to the bathroom, it’s really the random timing and urgency of which I have to .Sometimes it even tries to disguise itself as a fart, but I learned my lesson the hard way and will never risk it again.
The third observation is an obvious one. I don’t like leg day. Never have. It’s not for the reason some may think. Many people hate this training day because of the way they can’t walk the next day. I’m just not flexible enough to do a lot of the extension and it’s frustrating. I’m doing leg press and can barely get all the way down even at low weight because of my unwillingness to stretch. It’s created a true fear of yoga. (Unless it’s bro-ga, cause I know the bros will support my struggles).
In summary the gym makes me sad, poop, and embarrassed and I’m really falling in love with it. It’s kinda like a nicotine addiction.
Anyways, get in the gym this week, take some pre-workout, and do your best to get to the toilet in time.
Sincerely,
Jack “gym pooper” Lavorato
BIT OF THE WEEK
I saw someone tweet that he’s worried about getting drunk in the fear that he’ll say the n word or another offensive word. I feel like that’s not the liquor problem dude. Probably some things to work on. Just don’t go to a bar that plays rap music I guess. Or just like get that desire out of your brain.
Well that about does it. Jack’s clearly gone against his challenge of not being self deprecating by sharing his most vulnerable moments in the hopes of inspiring a laugh. Please tell him he did a good job.
 | A guest post by
|