All The Teams I Love Are Average
All The Teams I Love Are Average
And it's starting to get to me
I follow four sports teams religiously.
Somehow my entire adult life the teams have been nothing but mediocre and it’s frustrating.
I love the Calgary Flames, Toronto Raptors, Arizona Cardinals, and The Toronto Blue Jays.
They are all just mediocre. I kind of wish they were horrible so we had a rebuild in sight, but no. Scraping their way into the playoffs and losing in the first 2 rounds is a constant cycle.
I know we have exceptions. The Raptors won in 2019, but then Kawhi just left and it barely felt like my team. The Arizona Cardinals have escaped mediocrity and are now the laughing stock of the NFL, which I personally prefer. However, outside of that. Average. Aggressively Average.
Let’s rant shall we.
Let's start with Calgary. We once had an exciting team that could never figure it out in the playoffs. We finally won a series 2 years ago and then McDavid proceeded to bend us over in the second round.
Then we let go of the only exciting pieces of the team and signed two guys that are horribly average and we paid them an incredibly large salary.
For those who don’t know, I'm talking about the 8 year deals we gave Jonathan Huberdeau and Nazem Kadri. All Huberdeau does is spin around and turn the puck over and Kadri is the epitome of average. The one bright spot of the team the past two years is my guy Nikita Zadarov, then what happens???
https://twitter.com/spittinchiclets/status/1723431476736282775
We have these young guys that came out of nowhere and are now the best players on our team. Zary, Pospisil, and Coronato (who’s in the minors for some reason) are absolutely electric and we need to see more of them.
But overall, we’re old, we have no culture, our stars can’t fucking score, and we’re just solid enough to be a below average team and get a shitty draft pick with no chance at making a run at the playoffs.
Oh and we can’t rebuild because we’re paying 2 guys 8 million for the next 8 years. I want excitement back in this great market. I want Zadarov to stay. And I want Zary to run every powerplay we have. Even if we’re shit at least make it exciting for me to watch.
Anyways, Go Flames Go 🔥
The Toronto Raptors.
My god are we going to almost lose by 30 every game and then almost have a heroic comeback. I can’t watch this team play basketball. We thought Siakam could be that guy, he’s not. Scotty is exciting but not there yet. Gary Trent hasn't made a shot in the last decade. Malachi Flynn doesn’t want the ball, Gradey dick has a funny last name, and Poetl is just boring. Don’t get me wrong, I love this basketball team. I love everything about them. But at the same time the mediocrity is frustrating.
The worst part is the rumors. Every year there’s expectation of a big move since the Kawhi trade. “OG is the most wanted player in the league” “We’re gonna be huge sellers at the deadline” That stuff excites me.
Let's shake it up, try things out and build around Scotty. Instead we were buyers and got Poeltl back. If my teams are going to be bad I want them to be exciting, and nothing is more frustrating than average and boring. I went through a decade of losing to Lebron. We then won a championship. Then the guy left. Then we went back to being a play in team primed to lose to the Bucks in the first round and I’m just sick of it.
Go Raps tho.
Arizona Cardinals:
This is the team I’m happiest with. We’ve finally sucked pretty hard the past two years. Which is honestly cool. Before we were okay. At one point 8-0 a few seasons ago only to get stomped by the Super Bowl winning Rams in the first round. I love this team for the quarterback Kyler Murray. I name my fantasy teams after him, and the way he runs around like a toddler is so relatable.
We have a good running back, a great QB, a good WR1 and we’re building. Just stay the course and don’t let Clayton Tune anywhere near the starting position. Kyler please don’t leave. Buddha please don’t leave and let’s build something with our weirdo of a coach.
Let’s be just a little worse. For the next few years until this league feels our wrath.
Kyler Murray MVP 2025.
The Blue Jays
Idk man. This team gets me excited for 2 months of the year and then drastically disappoints me. Then I get excited “we’re making a run this will be fun”
No it wont. We’ll lose the ability to get a singular hit. Anyways, I still wear the hat.
Side note, my favorite fighter is Dustin Porier and he will never win that god damn full belt.
Anyways, not only am I average, so are the things I love. (Except you babe, you’re perfect) (talking about my dog here)
Jack “loves .500 teams til I die” Lavorato
Bit of the Week:
When you’re screen sharing your laptop to watch sports on the TV and you have the boys sitting around the couch (yes this does happen often). Go to safari and search for something funny. Just take them for a digital scroll for all the boys to enjoy before going to the game. A funny one, search up “boobs” and have a laugh. Just saying.
