🌴 I Auditioned For Survivor

Here's my strategy

Dec 18, 2023

Ever since I was a kid, I had a dream. That one failed miserably due to my lackluster work ethic as a teenager and a few genetic disadvantages, but I got a new one recently.

My mom and I have been watching Survivor since I was little. Back in the early seasons the dialogue and characters were completely unhinged.

My favorites include:

On Pearl Island, Fairplay told his contestants that his grandmother died to get sympathy, while in reality she was “back home watching George Springer”
In Season 1, Gervase told a teammate to flirt and put out to the local people to bargain a better deal for supplies.
Ozzy climbing trees and fishing. He didn’t care about the game, he just wanted to hangout and feed the tribe. Almost won the whole thing until people realized he didn’t really know what was going on.
Coach led a prayer circle to find an idol when he had it in his pocket all along. Goes to the forest for a few minutes and said he found it. Made his tribemates believe in god. Kinda funny.

And so many more. I’d watch this. For your entertainment.

Back to my hopes and dreams, not that anyone cares. For the past two years my roommate and his sisters have organized a survivor fantasy pool. You pick 2 people from each tribe and then 1 at the merge, and they earn you points for various things.

I’m the reigning champ and pride myself on seeing talent immediately. This year was different. I’m in last by so much, random people I don’t know in the groupchat are making fun of me. I don’t know what happened, but I’m chalking it up to a rebuild year.

My interest in Survivor has propelled me to put in my application. I saw some girl on TikTok say that she manifested a dude over 6 feet tall and it worked, and although it was hurtful (we’re people too) I’m going to trust her process.

My game strategy:

Everyone believes they would thrive in that environment, but I think the opposite. I’m certain I’ll get lied to, blindsided, and lose most to all challenges. The challenges freak me out – not because of the puzzles or my lack of upper body strength, but because of all the knots. Me and knots do not get along. I told you I’m bad at average things, and knots are just that. But this does not deter my motivation, I still think it would be fun.

I would take the opportunity to chill. Everyone is worried about who’s getting voted out, I would stay to a strict 95/5. 95% chill. 5% gameplay. Basically ask someone 5 minutes before tribal who I should vote for and write down whatever they say.

They also bring out family members during Survivor later in the season and I think it’d be hilarious to bring one of my friends' moms out. Instead my girlfriend or brother “And now Jack’s friend Ben’s mom”. Now that would be funny.

Anyways I’ll update you on the application process once it’s completed and I’ll share the video.

They do ask for an occupation, so that might be a problem.

Catch me on Season 50,

Jack “just keep him around he’s not a threat” Lavorato 🌴